Boring, Still Must Write!

If you guys have been faithfully reading my blog, you would know that Isaac, my 6 going on 7 year old, can write pretty well - for his age, at least. You would have seen his writing here, here and here. So, yes, he can write pretty competently. Thus, it has been very frustrating for me, when I noticed that his recent writing for his school journal assignments have been very badly written. I have had quite a few quarrels with Isaac lately because of this. Generally we start quarreling when I want him to rewrite or amend or expand, and he is unwilling to do so. What frustrates me, is NOT that he does not churn out grade A work, but that he is obviously not trying. No effort. 

We just recently argued about this, and at the height of our exchange, Isaac burst out:"I'm sick of journal writing! It's soooo B !!!" And, B stands for Boring. It's one of the words I ban the kids from saying in our household, so to avoid saying the forbidden word, Isaac says its initial. I instinctively wanted to scold him "Boring, still must write!!!" when he made that outburst. But I didn't, for he was right. It was boring, not the writing, but the topics he was told to write about. They went something like this, week after week:

- What I did during Chinese New Year.

- My Favourite Food

- My Favourite Sport

- My Favourite Sandwich

- My Favourite Hobby

- What I did during the Easter weekend

- What I did on Labour Day

- What I did on Vesak Day 

For basically what Isaac would do, is that he'd simply reply the question point blank, or list down what he did that day and he says he is done. We have had to give him hints and teach him on how to expand and write more about the subject topic in order to prompt him on. So far, we have let him slide so long as he does a passable job, but I wish he did try harder. For himself. For we would ask him "Are you proud that you wrote this? Are you happy to announce to the world that this is written by you?" He would look away and not meet our eyes, in shame. Then he would grudgingly say "Alright! Alright! I'd do it again!"

However, I do agree with him that the topics are quite B and very uninspiring indeed. BUT it's homework, you have to get homework done!? And if you get very unimaginative test or exam setters during actual examinable assignments - you still have to write!!! But I knew that right now, Isaac, a Primary 1 student for less than 6 months, would find it difficult to understand that. It is also fortunate that the journal assignments are not graded, nor does the teacher correct the grammar or spelling mistakes - it was obviously an exercise to encourage the children to write. That's not happening though. On the contrary....

Isaac generally enjoys writing... but I guess it is difficult when topics are uninspiring!

On a more constructive note, I decided to brainstorm and think of ways which I can suggest to Isaac, to help him write better, for his journal entries for his school journal, despite the B topics. Oh, why do I ban the word "boring"? Coz I always tell the kids "Don't let me hear you say something is boring. Don't ever say that. Since you know it is boring, then you should find something or some way to make it more interesting! Don't just complain and whine that it is boring! That does nothing to help the boring situation at all. Instead, think of something you can do to make things more fun and interesting. Say "why don't we do this ____ instead? That would make it more interesting!" And be open to suggestions!!!No saying "Boring!"" Okay, so maybe the kids abide by my rules not to say the B word just so they don't have to hear that entire monologue, but I say it anyway! Hah!

So what did I come up with? Not many ideas, I'm afraid. Think the B topics are weighing dead on me too...

Idea #1: Pick one funny or happy moment during that day that you were told to write about and expand on that.

Idea #2: Think of a funny story that is related to the subject topic and say that. (Though there is a danger of going off topic with this method"

Idea #3: Illustrate his journal entries with some drawings

Of the three ideas I gave him, he frowned at me for the first two and said of the third, wide-eyed "Can draw ah? Later teacher scold."  To which I hesitated for a split second before saying:"I think it should be fine to draw in your journal, but you STILL MUST WRITE." He rolled his eyes and sighed. 

So you can imagine my relief when I got an email from Monsters Under the Bed inviting me and my readers to a free writing clinic entitled How Your Child Can Be a Better Writer! Wow, what great timing! I'm going for this talk for sure!

Monsters Under the Bed are the good people behind the very fun writing camp - EnchantInk - Isaac went to in March. The writing clinic is meant for their existing students' parents, as well as their upcoming June camp MonsterHuntInk parents, as well as... Tan Family Chronicle readers! All you have to do is to register for the talk at this link.  And it's not just a writing clinic for the parents, you can bring your children along too if you want the trainers do an assessment for the kids. While you are listening to the talk, your children will be in the next room with the trainers who will assess your child, to explore their writing weaknesses and let them know what they can do to improve, as well as recommend books for them to read. Read more about this event at the registration link too.

How Your Child Can Be a Better Writer - writing clinic by Monsters Under the Bed

Date: June 1 2014 (Sunday)

Time: 1- 2pm 

Venue: National Design Centre (111 Middle Road) 

What to bring: Children's written work ( Can be either from school or home ) 

Places are limited, so be sure to sign up asap! I have already reverted with my RSVP and we'd be there for this talk this Sunday. I hope the talk is as interesting as their EnchantInk camp was, and I hope that the MonsterHuntInk camp Isaac is attending in the first week of June will be as fun as it sounds too! We understand that there are still a handful of places left for this camp for 7 - 12 year olds - sign up and we can see you at the camp too! Hunting Monsters sound like such fun! Wish we had such camps too when we were young!

Check out Monster Under the Bed's creative writing camp MonsterHuntInk
at http://www.mutb.com.sg/workshops/monster-huntink-2/

The Twins Favourite Ee-Ee

A few mornings ago, in the car, while I was driving the twins to school... We weren't even talking, just listening to the music playing... when suddenly Asher said:

Asher:"Mummy, do you know which is my favourite Ee-Ee?"
Mummy Me:"Which one?"
Asher:"It's OUR Ee-EE! The REAL Ee-EE! Not the other Ee-Ees!"
Shawna:"Yes, yes, that is our favourite Ee-Ee.  "
Asher:"The Ee-Ee who is the mummy of Natalie and the other cheh chehs."
Shawna:"Yes, correct. The mummy of Rebecca, Isabelle and Natalie. Those cheh chehs. That Ee-Ee."
Asher:"That's right. That one. Our favourite Ee-Ee."
Me:"Really? How come? WHY is she your favourite Ee-Ee?"
Asher:"Because she loves us."
Shawna:"And we love her."

Me:"So WHY do you love her?" 
Shawna:"Because she is our favourite Ee-Ee lah! "
Asher:"Er... because she has swimming pool"
Me:"Huh... you love her because she has a swimming pool at her house? What if she has no swimming pools? Then you won't love her?"
Shawna:"She doesn't have just one, Mummy! She has THREE swimming pools! The small one, the big one and the deep swimming pool where Isaac kor kor has his swimming lesson."
Asher:"Yes, so we love her three times. Because she has three swimming pools."
Me:"What?! You love her three times coz she has three swimming pools!?"
Asher:"Yes! So if she has one thousand swimming pools, we will love her one thousand times! hahaha..."
Shawna:"And if she has infinity swimming pools, we will love her infinity times!!! hahahaha"
AND THEY LAUGH HYSTERICALLY
Me:"But what if she has NO swimming pools at all?"
Shawna:"But she HAS, Mummy!!!"
Me:"I know!!! But what if she doesn't. I mean, do you only love Ee-Ee because she has a swimming pool?!"
Asher:"Of course not, Mummy."
Me:"So if she doesn't have any swimming pool, would she still be your favourite Ee-Ee?"
Asher & Shawna:" YES!!!"
Me:"Good!!!"

What a relief! Good to know that my kids are not so shallow! :p

For those of you who are wondering what an "Ee-Ee" is, it's actually my sister they are talking about. "Ee-Ee" is what you call your mother's sister, in Teochew - our Chinese dialect. If it's your father's sister, she is called "Gou-Gou". So my kids have one Ee-Ee and one Gou-Gou, as hubbs and I have one sister each (and that's it - coz someone said to Stop at Two).

The kids have been calling their aunts Ee-Ee and Gou-Gou since they were born, so much so, that they don't know that the two ladies are actually their Aunties. If they see my female cousins, they are told to call them Ee-Ee as well - this is the reason why Asher is trying to say that there is only one REAL Ee-Ee for him - my sister. And if they see hubbs' female cousins, they are also told to call them Gou-Gou as well. As far as my kids are concerned, I am sure they also feel that they only have one real Gou-Gou :)

So the irony is... Do you know who is the kids' "Auntie"? The helper. She is known as "Auntie" and also, all the lady strangers that they see outside: the neighbours, in the lift, the park, and every other lady they meet who is not their relative. And same too for the males. The male strangers they meet are all Uncles, including the Bus Driver Uncle, the food stall Uncle and the Uncle who is their classmate's father. And I bet you 10 bucks the twins don't know that their Tio Tios - who are the respective husbands of their favourite Ee-Ee and favourite  Gou-Gou - are actually their Uncles. 

It certainly took a while, but the kids now know that their Popo and Nai Nai are their Grandmothers, and Gong Gong and Ye Ye are their Grandfathers.Perhaps the kids know, that if you are told to call someone some weird name which doesn't sound like English - that person must be a relative.

I wonder if this only happens in Singapore :p

There are NO Aunties and Uncles here, I tell you! None!!! :p
Picture by Orange Studios

Day 11: Prayers for Those Who Need a Little More Courage in Life

Tan Family Chronicles' Pray With Us series
Day 1: Prayers for the Dearly Departed
Day 2: Prayers for the Littlest Ones We Never Got to Know
Day 3: Prayers for Those Here, But Not Present
Day 4: Prayers for Children to Be Well
Day 5: Prayers for those with Cancer
Day 6: Prayers for Those Who Want Kids But Can't
Day 7: Prayers for Those with Down Syndrome
Day 8: Prayers for all Marriages
Day 9: Prayers for the Safety of our Children
Day 10: Prayers for Those Who Look a Little Different

Our guest poster today is Ms Agnes Lim. She's my secondary school schoolmate, and thus an old friend of mine. I have invited her to share her story with us, as I feel that she is a very inspiring individual. She was dealt a tough hand of fate, but she risen from it and with an amazing store of optimism, continued living life to the max. The picture below are recent pictures - pictures taken in the past one or two years. Definitely, way AFTER the fateful accident.

Let's hear it from... Agnes! 

Looking cool while keeping a look out for the Loch Ness Monster!

Day 11: Prayers for Those Who Need a Little More Courage in Life

Life on its own, is never a smooth sailing journey, and some, may have theirs filled with adversity. However, the choices we make in our life, very often determines how we can emerge from adversity to go on and lead the life that we really want. 

11 years ago, at a tender age of 23, I was involved in a near-death road traffic accident. As a pillion rider, I was the unfortunate victim that suffered serious injury from the impact of the accident. The force of the vehicles' collision had flung me metres away from the motorcycle that I was on, landing on the road with an excruciating pain that shot right up from the leg to the heart, cruelly severing my left leg on the spot. To cut the long story short, by the time I reach the A&E department, my leg was beyond salvation with nerves all fully damaged. With a few fractured ribs bone, a fractured femur and a severed left leg, I was grateful that I survived the accident and have a chance to live again. 

I still recall the moment when my orthopaedic surgeon JK, told me that we have no other options but to amputate my leg. However, a prosthetic leg will be fitted, and normal activities can resume. Not fully understanding what it meant, I asked if it means I can still run again, thinking that I will come out from the surgery, a “bionic woman”. His confident response, was “Yes” without a doubt. With that, I was wheeled into the operating theatre to perform the surgery that was going to fix me up.

Cycling on a two-wheeler at Marina Bay!

Of course, when I woke up from the surgery, no “leg” was fitted. Where my leg should have been, it is now just an empty space. The sense of loss hit me profoundly. 19 days in the hospital, from initial care in the high dependency ward till recovery in the normal ward, and subsequently the discharge, I have to prep myself every waking moment with the new fact that I had lost one leg. For the rest of my life, I have to embrace myself for a life reliant on a prosthetic leg or a wheelchair/crutches in order to be independent and move again.

From a “young and mighty” youth who had newly found her economic power as she transit from a financially dependent student, to an independent career woman, suddenly, daily activities like going to the supermarket becomes a troublesome chore as I depended on my family, the caregivers, to bring me out on my wheelchair. Not only did I lose my leg, I lost my independence and freedom. Coping with the frustrating changes during the entire recovery process, I told myself, that I can’t continue living in this manner. I had only 2 choices; (1) To give up and continue to wallow in self-pity, misery and lament “Why Me?”, or (2) Choose to be courageous and make the best out of life. I decided that it is time to live. 

JK’s words on being able to run again had stuck with me. I can’t see how I am able to do that, especially when I had not even been fitted with my prostheses yet, but I trusted him and choose to believe that life will go back to norm.

Riding the ATV on her own at Gold Coast

Coping with a physical challenge, I have to learn how to walk with my prosthesis. Simple things that have been taken for granted, such as walking up and down the stairs and slops, different terrain such as level ground and uneven grounds like the grass field, are all no easy feat at all. Even simple steps that I was making with the prosthetic leg, I recall chanting “big step, small step, big step, small step” in order to pace myself normally while learning how to walk. 

The physical recovery, wounds and physical injuries, as well as learning how to walk all over again, was challenging, but can be managed. The real challenge comes from the emotional upheaval, commonly associated with peculiar stares from the strangers, focusing on my leg. Firstly the stare comes from trying to guess if the prostheses was real. Secondly, they tried to determine where the prostheses ends after confirming that it was a prostheses. Thirdly, they check out the person wearing the prostheses, usually with disbelief that that it belong to a young person. By the time they gazed towards my face, they will usually be met by my eyes equally staring at them with curiosity before they awkwardly turned away. 

Diving (!?!?) off Gold Coast. You go, girl!!!

It was not easy to accept the fact that I was no longer “normal” in the eyes of the “norm” when all this while I have been putting in my best effort just to look normal and be normal. And on bad days, I decided to let it affect me so much that I stop wearing berms. Regardless of where I go, I will always be covered from top to toe. But overtime, I realized that this wasn’t me at all. Especially in hot humid Singapore, long pants at all times of the day? It was simply ridiculous, and I decided to get out of the rut and focus on living.

The physical challenge had allowed me to experience a different life that I would have otherwise taken for granted. I have had my fair share of running and jumping around with both legs before the accident. And now I have the chance to live life with some challenges, and experience what other able-bodied person may not have understood. It allowed me to understand what living with courage really means.

It saddens me whenever I speak to amputees like myself who told me that I will never be able to walk on the beach again as the sand may spoil the prostheses, nor swim in the sea as it is just too dangerous with the buoyancy of the prostheses. I have got professionals telling me that my pursuit of normalcy is not important nor realistic. I have got all sorts of people in life telling me that giving up is an easier route. However, it is all in the mind, and all you need is that little courage to live, and to pursue things that matter to you.

Family support rocks!!! "My Supporting Crew" says Agnes!

11 years on, I still cannot run (though I now know that it would be possible as long as I am fitted with the right prosthesis). But recounting back, I have been able to do so much more than I could have ever imagined. Over the years, I have learnt how to cycle again, I have trekked up the Bukit Timah Nature Reserve, concurring the almost 45degree slope, trekked up partially to Mount Kinabalu, with the support and help of family and friends.  I have snorkeled in Phuket, did an introductory dive in the Great Barrier Reef, and recently survived a Shark Cage Dive in the South Africa. Thanks to the many great people around who had been urging me on, I have found the courage to live life the way it should be.

Despite so many years on, there are still fears within me that I am trying to conquer. Society without fail, always tends to pick out things that are sub-normal. Gawking at anomaly, is certainly one of them. While it is human nature to stare, most have failed to be sensitive to the feelings of their living subject. It does not feel good at the receiving end of the stare. Sometimes, it would really be nice to be stared at, if the stare is being accompanied by a smile and/or a nod. No words needed, all it takes is a smile to cheer one on. In the past, I seek to find answers to the question “why me?”. In the present, I have stopped searching, and I ask instead “why not me?” 

Today, I pray for all who are inconvenienced in life, be it physically, emotionally, or mentally, to always stay strong. The tunnel in front may be long and dark, but be brave and keep the faith going as there will always be light at the end of every tunnel.  

Agnes (and her beautiful leg) with Prosthetist Mark Woolsey of Dorset Orthopaedic

Thank you, Agnes for guest posting on Tan Family Chronicles! 

Now, I know you guys would be curious about how Agnes' prostheses look like. Hence I have obtained her permission to share with you the above photos of one of her prostheses. This is a beautiful one which she actually flew to the UK to have it done. It truly is a work of art, don't you think? Kudos to her Prosthetist Mr Mark Woolsey and his team at Dorset Orthopaedic!

Previously an executive with MOM, Agnes has been a financial services manager in the financial advisory industry for the past 7 years. She had just joined her current company Professional Investment Advisory Services, embarking into financial literacy, helping people to understand and manage their finances.

Once Upon An EnchantInk Time

Isaac is enchanted by the Monsters Under the Bed

Over the recent March holidays this year, Isaac was invited for a creative writing camp called EnchantInk conducted by a company called Monsters Under The Bed. I must admit I liked the sound of the company the moment I heard it's name. Yes, I'm macabre that way. Anyway, EnchantInk, a three half days creative writing workshop for primary school kids, themed on fairy tales and folklore, seems pretty interesting in itself, and so I readily agreed to send Isaac, and obtained their permission to tag along.

You see that picture of Isaac above? That's how he looks for most of the camp. I only managed to get one decent shot, as the rest were blur coz he was moving so much, quaking with laughter most of the time. And do you know why? It's coz of these guys below! They're the guys from Monsters Under The Bed - the trainers at the camp! They are hilarious! The trainers gamely dressed up for all three days of the camp, and were vivacious, sporting, and on the whole very entertaining. Thus, they did very well to engage the children and hold their attention, even during the short segment where they went through a powerpoint slideshow going through how the original fairy tales weren't as sanitised and saccharine sweet as the current day Disney versions.

Introducing... The Wicked Witch (in black), The Leprechaun (green), Snow White & Rose Red (in their respective colours), The Genie (purple), Red Riding Hood, Little Mermaid, and the dunno what Donkey. Wait, or was it Unicorn?

The kids learnt about protagonists and antagonists and were basically schooled on how having a bad guy in the story spices things up and makes a story more engaging and interesting. The kids are broken up into small groups for discussions which are led by a trainer in each group. The trainer also guides them on their writing.

They were also taught how plan their story by writing out mind-mappish sort of thing like what Isaac did below. I thought this was a good thing to teach, as it can serve as a brainstorming exercise cum outline of the story that the kids would write. This was a useful tool to have - to learn how to sketch out a brief outline of the story.

Isaac's plan of his story that features Robotic Crows?!

Isaac was so inspired by his plan (above) and all that happened on Day 1, that after he reached home, he actually wrote out his entire story, on one A4 page, crammed tightly with words, with arrows going here and there. Sadly, I didn't take a proper picture of it then, and Isaac has somehow misplaced it towards the end of the camp, but you can see him referring to his essay in the picture below. 

The "Battle of the Royal Birds" below is an excerpt of his whole story, as the kids were instructed to extract a portion of their work to showcase on their "scroll" (paper stained with coffee, I'm told! ;p How innovative!)

Isaac has always been a voracious reader, and through conversations with him, we know he has a lively imagination. He is also amazingly very proficient in his spelling. However,  he doesn't seem to show an interest in writing. Perhaps because at school, his journal topics given to them are mostly factual and needed him to write about himself (favourite hobby, favourrite sandwich etc), rather than write fiction.

This workshop, however, seemed to have fueled him with an interest to write. I would never have thought he could write what he did below. It was an eye opener for me as well, to see what Isaac could be capable of.

An excerpt of Isaac's long essay. I estimate this to be only a quarter of what he wrote, at most!

 And Isaac wasn't the only one who could write either. The rest of the kids were equally enthusiastic in writing, and when I peeped around, quite a few had long essays like Isaac's. It is highly possible that the kids that were attending this creative writing camp all had a pre-existing interest in writing.However, having an interest is one thing, but to be able to motivate and get them to write WILLINGLY... is another thing!

On Day 2, the trainers even managed to get the kids to get up and put on an impromptu skit. It was based on known fairy tales. But it was Isaac's first time doing something like that so he was having a grand time indeed. I was so busy laughing and taking photos of his group's skit, that I don't think I paid any attention to the story line at all. 

Isaac's group skit of The Little Red Riding Hoods & The Two Wolves

 Thus, halfway through writing this post, I suddenly realised I couldn't remember what the skit was about. So I asked Isaac... and did a "I write, you write" below with him. Words in black written by me. Anything else is written by him :)

I Write, You Write ~ Mummy & Isaac

The kids were told to dress up as a fairy tale character on the third (final) day of the camp. It was quite a sight. Isaac was dressed up as a Wizard. He wore a wizard cape and used his silver lightsaber as his magic wand.

After the class, I did a written interview with him. I typed out some questions and he filled in the answers. I thought it would be a good way to obtain his opinions, verbatim. Yes, that's the chronicler in me speaking! :p

What an EnchantInk time we had with the Monsters Under The Bed!

Read what Isaac has to say about Monster's Under The Bed's EnchantInk creative writing camp!

As you can see from Isaac's responses, he had a smashing good time at EnchantInk in March. So much so, that when the Monster Under The Bed offered us a preferential rate for Isaac to attend their regular creative writing course called StoryCraft, and I asked Isaac if he wanted to attend - he immediately said "Yes!" For a split moment, I actually regretted it. Now, I would have to bring him down to National Design Centre (opposite the Central National Library) at 10am every Saturday morning. I could see that my Saturday mornings would no longer be "slow" and "relaxing". But since StoryCraft is recognised under the National Arts Council's Arts Elective Programme, and Monsters Under The Bed actually teach StoryCraft in some primary and secondary schools... It should be a pretty good programme and worth our time, right? Well I certainly hope so!

Well in any case, dear Monsters Under The Bed, Isaac thanks you for inviting and having him at EnchantInk and is hoping you'd invite him back for MonsterHuntInk in June this year, because he says your workshops "interest me and also because it is FUN FUN FUN!" :)

MonsterHunkInk poster from Monsters Under The Bed

Tackling Bully Woes & Foes

Remember the pep talk about a bully we had with Isaac last year? I had wanted to do a follow-up post after that... as... more stuff happened after that... yes, so drama, right? 

After his birthday party last year, I checked in with Isaac and found that The Boy was still terrorising him on a daily basis, and decided that I should have a chat with his teacher about it. I mentioned to Teacher Joranna that The Boy was saying mean things to Isaac, and she was appropriately aghast. She was very concerned and asked how come he did not mention this to her before? I told her that Isaac told me that she said that the kids were to handle their own disputes and not bring them up to her. She laughed and explained to me that that was because the kids often quarreled about very trivial matters such as "He say my picture not nice!" "She say I eat so slow!" but that she viewed name-calling very seriously as that constituted as bullying.

The kidzes a couple of years ago. So cute! :p

Upon questioning Isaac, we realised that The Boy slyly does his name-calling when the teachers are not around, or not within ear shot, as The Boy knew that this behaviour was frowned upon. Teacher Joranna then spoke to the boy and warned him again that this behaviour would not be condoned. We also told Isaac not to pay him any heed. We suspected that The Boy liked to tease Isaac in particular as Isaac tended to rise up and give a big reaction when taunted.

The thing is, The Boy seemed bent on irritating Isaac, and one day, said something very mean to him. Isaac was so bothered by it that he went to the toilet to try to hide himself while he struggled to control his emotions. Seeing him so upset, Teacher Jannah (a teacher from another class), spotted him and asked him what was wrong. Isaac told her what The Boy said, and she immediately went to class to tell off The Boy, and told Teacher Joranna (Isaac's teacher) what happened. Teacher Joranna immediately spoke to The Boy and gave him a stern scolding, for what he had said to Isaac was verbal, mental and emotional abuse - it was clearly bullying, though it was not physical.

Teacher Joranna must have handled it quite well for Isaac didn't even tell us what happened. In fact, I didn't even know about it until I had a chance to talk to Teacher Joranna a week after the incident took place. She updated me about it one day when I wasn't in such a rush while dropping off the kids one morning. She told me exactly what happened, and how they handled the incident - Isaac, and The Boy. I was quite pleased that she bothered to update me as I thought most teachers/centres would try to gloss over such unhappy incidences if they could. And, if Isaac could live through it without mentioning it to us, it shows me that he is not bothered by it anymore - which means that the teachers have handled it very well. Excellent! Maybe Learning Vision trains their teachers to handle such bullying cases: to be able to discipline the bully, as well as to be able to pacify the victim and ensure that the victim feels okay and not traumatised. 

I wasn't looking forward to such bullying issues that we knew were even more likely to take place in a primary school setting. Since last year, whenever possible, we tried to brace Isaac for more of such negative behaviour he can possibly encounter from other boys in school, or on the school bus. It was not an easy thing to do, for we hesitated to give him any "quick fix". 

For example, we didn't want to tell him "Anything happen, just go and tell your teacher." For kids often quarrel about many trivial matters, and we didn't want him to develop a reputation of being a tattle-tale either. We also refrained from telling him to haul our names into it, as in "My Mummy say cannot do that." or "My Father says so." - for we didn't want him to be called a "Mummy's boy!" or "Daddy's boy!" either. Dilemma dilemma. It was very hard to give him a general guide. In the end, we could only brace him in general (that there may be other boys who will misbehave), asked him to behave himself ("learn only the good things from other people, don't learn bad things!!!"), and told him to tell us if anything happens.

Things were simpler when they were all in childcare, all in the same school. But as with all babies, they have to grow up... How my babies have grown!

I learned early in the year, that asking "How was school?" gets you the answer "Fine" or "Okay" most of the time, and no useful nor interesting information at all. Thus, I usually ask "Did anything happen in school today that made you happy?" or "Did anything make you sad or unhappy today?" Isaac usually gave me fairly interesting replies to these questions, which would open up to more conversation related to what he does in school, and how he feels about school, information which we were interested to know.

We were just a few days into the new school year when Isaac told us about This Other Boy who has been saying mean things to him. What happened was, on the third day of school, Isaac couldn't find his homework diary in his bag (it was in there some where) and thought he didn't bring it. The teacher scolded him, and as it was his first scolding by an unfamiliar teacher, he teared. This Other Boy started his nonsense the very next day. He would go to Isaac and whisper in his ear "Cry baby!" and run away. He kept doing that the whole week even though Isaac didn't cry any more. It was starting to be very annoying.

To his credit, Isaac said he didn't really react, and simply told This Other Boy to stop. But of course, This Other Boy didn't stop. SIGH. Hubbs told Isaac that he had to get This Other Boy to stop though. We didn't want This Other Boy to tell other boys what he was doing, and it could all get out of control if a bunch of boys start doing the same thing. Yet, it was a fairly trivial matter, we felt it would be inappropriate to tell the class form teacher as well.We didn't want to step in prematurely. We wanted to give Isaac a chance to solve his own problems. One night, after dinner, we had the following conversation...

Hubbs:"So, Isaac, what do you plan to do about This Other Boy who keeps calling you names?"

Isaac:"I know! I have a plan!"

Me:"What's your plan?"

Isaac:"When This Other Boy's father comes to pick him up from school, I will go and tell him what This Other Boy is saying to me."

Me:"Oh! Okay, that sounds like a good plan, you can try that. But, let me teach you, first you must say "Hello Uncle, my name is Isaac, I am This Other Boy's classmate. This Other Boy calls me names and I told him to stop, but he didn't." Can you remember that?"

Isaac:" Er, okay, I try."

The next day, when Isaac came home from school...

Me:"So did you talk to The Other Boy's father?"

Isaac:"No, but I spoke to his mum!"

Me:"Really?! Wow. Did you say "Hello Auntie, I am Isaac... etc" like I taught you?"

Isaac:"Er, no. I forgot."

Me:"Oh. So what did you say?"

Isaac:"I just pointed to The Other Boy and said "He keep calling me cry baby!""

Me:"Then what did the auntie say to you?"

Isaac:"She didn't say anything..."

Me:"OH."

Isaac:"She just turned to The Other Boy and said "Don't do that! You shouldn't do that...""

Me:"Ah... okay..."

Isaac and his friends when he was still in Nursery level in childcare... "school" was much simpler then!

And after that, The Other Boy did stop... Then he started saying other things ("You're soooo lame!!!" - roll eyes. Where do they learn such things?!) And doing something else... Last week, The Other Boy crept up behind Isaac and "Boo!" him. I asked if This Other Boy was trying to play with Isaac, but Isaac didn't think it was funny. In the same breath, Isaac started telling me about how he and his buddy kept trying to creep up on each other to scare each other, and he had loads of fun with that friend. Sigh. I think it could be bad blood also? I'm not sure what the problem with This Other Boy is. He sounds mischievous and perhaps socially inept to me? Perhaps he doesn't know how to read non-verbal cues from people. Then again, he doesn't seem to take verbal, explicit instructions well either.

Just today, Isaac says that This Other Boy, came to him and said "I opened your locker and I saw what is inside." and walked away. I was like "Huh? And then?" But Isaac said "Nothing, he just walk away after saying that." Isaac has been asking for a lock for his locker, saying that the boys in his class takes his ball without his permission. Then I asked him "Did you tell them that they need to ask permission before they take your ball?" "No..." "Oh, then you SHOULD tell them..." 

And so this is the lesson of the day. " Isaac, you must tell your classmates clearly, that you do NOT like it that they take your things or open your locker without your permission. Or if they do something to you that you don't like, you must tell them to stop, that you don't like it. If you don't tell them, they will think you do not mind." "Oh, okay Mummy." It baffles me that he never actually expressed his displeasure to his classmates about having his things taken without his permission.So I explicitly tell him "Remember, you MUST tell your friends that you don't like them to take your things without your permission. You don't need to shout at them, nor scream at them. Just say it calmly and seriously. Because if you don't, they don't know that they have done something which is not proper."

But I think it is a good start, that he thought of the idea himself to go talk to The Other Boy's parents. We like that he thought of that idea himself, and he even executed it pretty well. And best of all, it did work to a certain extent. This gives him the experience of tackling his own problems, instead of replying solely on us. And the fact that it did work to a certain extent (The Other Boy did stop whispering "Cry baby" in his ear.) lends credence and gives him confidence that his plan to help himself does work. We continue to encourage him to think of his own solutions and executing them, while guiding him on the sidelines.

On our end, I have already obtained The Other Boy's mother's mobile number, just in case The Other Boy goes overboard and I need to talk to his mum. We have also introduced ourselves to The Other Boy's parents when we happened to see them, and have made the necessary small talk, so we are not total strangers. But while we are ready to step in and take action if the need arises, we are deliberately hanging back... we want to give Isaac the chance to resolve this himself, for there are some lessons, you have to learn yourself. So far, he has taken some baby steps, but we shall see how it goes.

SIGH. Good luck, Isaac!

Tips for Reading to a Toddler

You know how we love reading, and how we've been reading to the kids since they were very young. So I love to take pictures of the kids reading, or of hubbs reading to the kids. Last night, I saw Shawna laying her head on hubbs' shoulder, and that's quite a rare sight, so I quickly snapped this picture below, and posted it on my Facebook wall last night. Attracted a whole bunch of Likes, and this question from my friend Patrina "When I read to my 2 yr old, she pay attention for a while and then start flipping pages or go play other stuff, how?!?!?" If you know me and my usual long-winded fashion, Facebook is not the place for my reply, this post here, is my reply :p

Love this shot of hubbs reading to the twins! :)

What do we know about toddlers?
Toddlers have short attention span. Thus, it is fairly normal for a 2 year old to pay attention for a short while, then lose interest and walk away. So what can we do about this?

1. Choose appropriate books.
2. Engage the child in the book by providing some "reading activities"
3. Dramatise! Read with expressions!
4. Set an aim and let the child agree and commit. 
5. Persevere!

Appropriate books for Toddlers

Given their short attention span, choose books with short stories, more pictures and less words.Some kids like pop-up books. And books with flaps for the kids to flip, and books that intentionally feature different textures do lend a tactile feeling which is also good for engaging kids.

If your child picks out a book for you to read which is fairly long, just summarise on the spot to give her a gist of the story. For example, just use a sentence or two to describe the 'action' in the pictures, to summarise that page. 2-sentence summaries of a 10 page book will make a 20 sentence story for a toddler. Good enough. There is no competition to read long books to toddlers, what you are interested in is to have them concentrate for a length of time on a book. If the book is meant for an older child, then it is normal that a younger child may not sit through it entirely.

Also, if the child is resisting reading, you may wish to choose books with topics or characters which you know will interest the child. For example, many children love animals, so books on animals are popular. Or perhaps even books which have certain cartoon characters which they like. Use these books to interest them in reading for now. You can introduce books with different topics later.

I don't personally go hunting for specific books, and the only author recommendations for toddlers' books off the top of my head would be Dr Seuss, Julia Donaldson and Eric Carle but here's a blog post from LittleBlueBottle that has lots of recommendations :) Mum in the Making has tonnes of recommendations over here and at her Facebook album. Oh and if your child likes fish and sea creatures, check out these titles laid out by Princess Dana Diaries.

At this age, the kids love repetition and crave familiarity. Thus it is good to have at least a some books of your own as the kids love to read the same book again and again. Often, parents buy more books not necessarily because the children want them. It's more for the sanity of the parents to not have to read the same book over and over again that they buy more books! :p You can check out books at Groovy Giraffe, a local online bookshop. Key in TanFamilyC to get 5% off your cart anytime of the year. Go register an account, if they have better promos, they'd email you! 

Isaac, Asher and Shawna when they were toddlers! I like that bottom left picture of Asher at the bookshelf with his pants half worn! hahaha...

Involve the child through reading activities!

Having a book being read to you can be quite boring if you can't quite understand what is being read to you, or if it is monotonous and boring. This is how reading may appear to a very young child who doesn't know many things and cannot relate to many things they see in books. Thus, one way to get around this, is to INVOLVE the child and ENGAGE him in the book through simple activities like the following

• Counting - whenever you see a number of similar items in the pictures, ask your child to count. "Count the penguins!" "How many apples are there on the lion?" Count in English, count in Chinese, count in dialect! Use their fingers to point at each item as you count. Children this age can often rattle off their 1 to 10, but they don't know how to count properly. Thus you not only read to them, but can also let them learn their numbers and counting too.
• Colours - let them learn colours by pointing out colours to them, or asking them what the colours are. "Who is Tom? The boy in a red shirt? or the boy in a blue shirt?" "What colour is this? Blue? Yes, it is blue! Good job! But you know what? It is also a special blue called CYAN!" 
• Alphabets - Toddlers are also in the process of learning the alphabet. So every now and then, you can point to one of the key words that keeps appearing in the story and spell it out to the child, letter by letter. Often, I will spell the title too, as a precursor to reading the book. There is no need to spell every single word in the book. Just a few would do. If the child knows his alphabet, get him to spell the word to you. Use this opportunity to practice phonics too. "Fireman Sam Saves the Day. Fireman starts with? F! That's right! What sound does F make? Ffffff.... yes! Come, let's spell Fireman "F.I.R.E..."
• Ask questions - ask many questions. "What a nice dress Cinderella has! Do you like it? What colour do you want YOUR dress to be?" Ask questions which the answers are in the book and pictures, say for a book on going to the park "Do you like to go to the park? What can we do in the park?". You can even express disapproval and negative behaviour and reinforce your approval for good behaviour in your questions   "Uh oh, was that a nice thing for the boy to do? No, right? He shouldn't snatch, isn't it. That is not a good thing to do. Do you snatch? Yes, sometimes you snatch from Cheh Cheh. But I like it that you apologised and hugged her. That was nice. Did this boy in the book apologise? Yes, he did! That's nice of him, isn't it? "

Yes, if you have an elder child, you can encourage him to read to the younger ones.

Dramatise! Read with expressions!

Read with expressions! Growl like a wolf. Make squeaky noises like a mouse. Talk with a deep voice like Papa/Grandpa. Squeal in delight like a princess. Make the story come alive! Your children are the best audience in the world, and they would love it when you dramatise stories to them. 

Set an aim, and get them to agree!

Before you start reading, set an aim, communicate this to your child, and get them to agree. "Mummy read this book to you, then you can go and play with your dolls, okay?" Get her to agree. So if midway the book, she starts to wonder off, you remind her "Remember, you agreed that we finish this book before you play with your dolls? Come on, 3 more pages only." and when she sits through it all "Well done! Good job! You agreed to read the whole book and you did! hi-five!" 

Persevere! Persevere! Persevere!

Remember! The child is only a toddler! It is normal for them to have a short attention span. It is your job as her parent though, to lengthen that concentration span. Reading is one way to do this. (Playing boardgames is another hehehee...). Take note of the timing when you read to your child. Today, she may have concentrated for only 3 minutes, but persevere! tomorrow, it may have improved to 5 minutes. Persevere! Read everyday! And slowly, but surely, the child's concentration span will get longer and longer. 

My drawing of Magneto

On this note, I end off with an anecdote of my dear Asher.

Last night, Asher asked me to draw Magneto. I didn't know how to, so I took out my X-Men book and attempted to draw the picture of Magneto above. As I was drawing, I muttered:"Asher, Mummy dunno how to draw Magneto lah..." Immediately, Asher replied "Then you must PERSEVERE, Mummy!" I said "Woah, where did you learn that big word from?" "From my school teacher from Learning Vision lah." "Do you know what it means?" "Yes, it means to try and try again." wah.... steady lah Asher. And so, with encouragement from my four year old, I persevered and drew the above Magneto!!! Not too shabby, eh? :p

How we stopped the cries of "SO UNFAIR"!

You know how it goes, especially in families with more than one kid, the older one inevitably needs to give way to the younger one/s at times. And there would be cries of "SO UNFAIR!" from the oldest child, whether it really is unfair or not. Of course, we try to educate Isaac, that life is not always fair. That he should try to look at things from a different viewpoint. That "fair" is not necessarily equal division. That some things are very trivial and not worth being upset about etc... In fact, as the eldest child, he does sometimes get benefits that the younger ones don't and we do not hesitate to point that out to him.  However, being a 6 year old boy, emotions do get the better of him, and what we say to him just doesn't seem to sink in. 

Isaac's first journal homework he had to do for school.

So we had this string of circumstances December last year, that was the perfect set up for me to educate Isaac and stop the cries of "SO UNFAIR!". You see, Isaac was attending Learning Vision which is a childcare centre that is also a kindergarten with a very sound curriculum that prepares the kids for primary school. For some reason (unknown to me), the childcare/school's end of school year, is in November. Thus, with Isaac in K2 last year, he technically graduated in November, and hence we had the choice of withdrawing him from childcare with his day in end November. I was in a dilemma for awhile. On one hand, I wanted to have him at home in December, as I thought that'd be his last days of relative freedom from homework stress before he commences his 10 years of formal schooling. His last days of play play play. On the other hand, I understand that the childcare had interesting activities to further prepare the kids for primary school for those kids still attending childcare. Also, it would be quite a nightmare getting the twins to go to school while their big brother didn't have to. In the end, I succumbed to fun. We withdrew him and he could stay home in December.

Isaac spending time with hubbs, playing a 'war' game, and ice-skating!

Another reason why I wanted Isaac at home was also so that hubbs and I could spend some time alone with him. Having three kids, our attention is somehow always divided amongst them. So we cherish the times when we can have one-to-one with each kid. The December hols last year was a good opportunity for us to spend time with Isaac, especially since hubbs would have his hols then too.

As written by Isaac in his very first journal entry homework he had to write for school, he had a very eventful December holidays. He didn't have to go to school (whereas the twins had to). We signed him up for one of Science Centre's Family Programmes, an Adventure Camp with Dinosaurs overnight camp that he had to attend on his own (parents not allowed!). He got to go ice skating with hubbs, just them two. He came with hubbs and I to karaoke one afternoon. And I organised playdates for him with his friends at our home. All these, just for him, while the twins were in school.

Playdates for Isaac and his friends during the December hols

So, in December, once the twins were in school and/or out of earshot, I would keep needling Isaac about how UNFAIR it was... I would say:

"Isaac, it's SO UNFAIR! How come you can stay at home while the twins need to go to school?! How come you can go ice-skating with Papa, but the twins cannot. How come?! WHY!? So unfair so unfair!!!"

"How come you can stay at home and have your friends come over and play while Asher and Shawna have to go to school? Why? So unfair. SO UNFAIR. I think we need to send you to school. This way, it's more fair. Isn't it?"

"Why is it that you get to go out with Mummy and Papa and come karaoke with us? So unfair leh. You go to school lah. Go go. What? No?! BUT THAT IS SO UNFAIR!!!"

"Wow you have so much Lego, but this who has so little... SO UNFAIR! We must give them some of your Lego! Oh and board games too! So many board games! Give away!"

"You so lucky! You have one brother and one sister! This (insert name of only child friend) don't have! SO UNFAIR! We must give away Asher or Shawna to him/her!"  - Thankfully he goes "No!!! Cannot give away Asher or Shawna!!!"

So on and on I went. Everything and anything that Isaac had a slight benefit over, I would milk it for all it's worth, pointing out the unfairness of the situation. And finally Isaac said:"Okay, okay! I get it! I won't say "SO UNFAIR" ever again!"

We're already into April now. And for the last 4 months, he hasn't said it, not once. So he remains true to his word, he has stopped saying "SO UNFAIR!".

Kidz' Lessons from a Flea Market Stall

Hey everyone! Today, we welcome on Tan Family Chronicles, my sister Petrina Tan! She is an ex-banker turned full time mum, now working from home on a marketing/franchising job. Petrina & Chris have three beautiful girls named Rebecca, Isabelle and Natalie. Recently, they participated in the Sentosa Kidz Flea market which we went to show support. It seemed like such a fruitful experience for them that I asked my sister if she would like to guest post on their experiences, on Tan Family Chronicles. And she agreed! Yay!  ~ ;)pamela the chief chronicler! ~

In the words of Petrina Tan: 

2 weeks of preparation, 3 families, 8 kids, 5 hours – learning the value of hard work and perseverance - PRICELESS

The hubby and I have always been worried about the kids growing up too spoilt, not being able to take hardships when they grow up, not knowing the value of money, etc. I mean, most Singaporean kids have it pretty good. They are well-fed (when you tell them not to waste food because there are lots of hungry kids in other countries, their eyes kind of glaze over), well-clothed, well-educated and many are also well-travelled. The biggest hardship in their life would probably be the Primary School Leaving Examinations (PSLE), but that is another story for another time.

Sentosa Kids Flea 2014

So when a friend mooted the idea to enroll our kids in Sentosa’s annual Kidz Flea Market for little “Play-treneurs” , we thought it was a great idea. “Let them learn how hard it is to earn some money”, “finally an opportunity to get them to overcome their shyness and approach strangers to sell/explain their products”, “good way for them to learn about perseverance, and rejection…” - were some of the thoughts we had. It also appealed to us that part of the proceeds of the flea market would go to charity, an excellent way to encourage the kids to give back to the less fortunate.

What are “Play-treneurs” and what is the Sentosa Kidz Flea Market about?

Someone in Sentosa (or their events company) came up with the idea to organize a flea market catered for kids and operated by kids. They coined the term “Play-treneurs” which was (no prizes for guessing) derived from combining the words play and entrepreneurs. The idea was to teach the kids to be little entrepreneurs and have fun whilst doing it.

The Sentosa Kidz Flea Market is organized annually during the March school holidays. Three weeks prior to the event, the kids were given a ‘training’ session on how to be a “play-treneur”. This involved giving them some tips on costing, pricing, sales techniques and product display. Basically breaking down the 4 Ps of marketing into kids lingo. It was brief, but good enough to give the kids an idea of what to expect/do and a starting point to get them thinking on their strategy for the flea market.

The preparation

We had ‘joined forces’ with two other families to start up a stall. We were close friends with both families and our kids played well together. We brainstormed and came up with these final products… (most of which were made from recycled materials or were donated).

I regretted not having the foresight of taking pictures of the ‘production’ process. It was very labour intensive but turned out to be a good bonding experience for all of us. Kids, Mums and Dads were mobilized. We toiled over the various tasks of cutting, sorting, laminating, weaving, amidst cries from the kids about ‘how tiring it was’. To which, the mothers would typically respond, “Yah lah, you think it is so easy to make money?”

Many days and late nights later, plus one heartfelt bedtime prayer the day before the event for good sales and good weather ….we were ready to rock and roll.

Products and services the kids were to hawk at their Kids Flea booths

“It was really hard work!”


God must have heard our prayers as we were blessed with fantastic weather on the day of the event. That meant a pretty decent crowd at the flea market. We started setting up the stall at 1 pm and by 2 pm, we were welcoming our first customers.

To be honest, I had low expectations of how the kids would perform. In fact, the hubby had a premonition that it would be the parents who would be left manning the stall whilst the kids would be running off to play, getting distracted by the various stalls and activities at the flea market. My only brief to the kids before the event was, “Don’t be disappointed or give up if people reject you. You will likely face many rejections before you get a sale. And don’t feel bad about it.”

As it turned out, they rose to the occasion. In all my years of motherhood, I can earnestly say I have never felt more proud of them. For most of the five hours, they stayed focused to the task of selling. They developed their own sales strategies and worked together as a team. The children stood at different entrances to the flea market, even stepping out of the designated areas to position themselves at places where most of the tourists and customers were.

The kids netted very decent sales revenue, we were even told by the organizers that we were one of the top donors for the day.

Pamela the Chief Chronicler says:"I love these tags and bought a whole bunch of them! Can't wait to use them!"

The real rewards …. 


Initially when we started out on the project, there were a lot of thoughts on whether we would break even, what we could sell to achieve higher sales, practical questions that any self-respecting entrepreneur would ask. But as the day progressed, it became obvious to us that more important than the money earned were the intangible lessons that the kids gained. Lessons that went beyond what the school was teaching them. Here is a summary of some of the key take-aways we felt the kids had gleaned from their experience:


1) Speaking up and communicating with strangers.

• This may not sound like a big deal. But for my painfully shy kids, who balk at even ordering their own meals at Mcdonalds, this was a huge step. Based on the sales revenue and average dollar per sale, we calculated that they must have approached at least 100 customers between them.
• From our own experience and interaction with people at work, we knew that it was critical for our kids to learn to speak up and pick up good communication skills. This was a good first step.

2) Value of perseverance and hard work.

• 5 hours of standing in hot, humid conditions, to sell your wares. I need not say more.

3) Coping with rejection and failure.

• The first few rejections were tough on the kids. They were not used to selling, much less facing rejection after summoning the courage to approach strangers. I was glad that I had prepped them mentally about this. But I was even more glad that they had learnt to take rejections in their stride as the day progressed.

4) Learning the value of money.

• Instead of spending their hard-earned money at the flea market, they learnt to barter-trade with the rest of the stall-owners to ‘purchase’ what they wanted.
• The older two siblings were heard reprimanding their youngest sister for ‘wasting money’ when she bought a Kinder Bueno chocolate after the event. “What? It was so hard to earn that money and you wasted it on chocolate!!” (Hahahah…)

Girl power kidpreneurs!!!

5) Assessing people/customers and adopting appropriate strategies to convince them

• This is a critical life skill. Not just in terms of how they might apply it to their careers but in general, it is an important skill that can be applied to all aspects of their lives. A life skill not taught in any textbooks but something that they had to learn through using their own judgment and experience.
• We were pleasantly surprised that they could share with us their takeaways on effective sales strategies (e.g. always target young girls who are with their fathers. If you convince the young kids, most parents would buy for their kids. If you see a young Caucasian female, approach her to sell the hair braid…the list goes on.)

6) Learning to be creative and finding solutions to what people need

• When the family spent one year in Palo Alto (aka Silicon Valley) some years back, one of the things that really struck us was how ‘entrepreneurial’ everyone was. By this, I do not mean that they were all starting businesses, but there was generally a strong can-do spirit of wanting to find solutions to improve not just their own lives but the lives of those around them. From the young kids we met in school to the adults, there was a strong sense of purpose and passion. We found ourselves asking what we could do to inculcate this in our kids, so that they will not grow up complaining all the time, feeling entitled, or expecting others (i.e. the government) to provide them with solutions.
• Through participation in this event, I can see how events like these encourage the kids to think (if I may borrow the cliché term) out-of-the-box. More importantly, it sets them thinking about what kind of products/services would answer the needs of others, and how people were willing to pay for solutions or items that met their need.

Sentosa's Kids Flea complete with businessman suit aprons and certificates!

The verdict

So the parents obviously thought it was a worthwhile event and were glad that we enrolled the kids in it. But what did the kids have to say?

“Hmmm….it was really hard work….I don’t think I want to be a business person next time.”

“I am not sure which part of it I liked most, but I just liked it. I want to do it again next year!”

And I suppose the fact that they could not stop talking about it for the rest of the night, and the next day, must mean that they enjoyed it. :)

Thanks very much, Petrina! What a ride! Can't wait for a couple more years till the twins are older, and we'd be getting a booth ourselves! :)